Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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