we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
