Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
