I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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