if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
