so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it glows. i had to have it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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