Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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