At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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