So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
