I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
