If you die in college, do you die in real life?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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