I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
nutella sex= disaster
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize