Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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