am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
