shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
