i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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