I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
