I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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