my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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