the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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