If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
