I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
