I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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