I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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