well I can't set my house on fire every night
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
