Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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