I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
