yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
