I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
