last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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