Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
