Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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