Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
