I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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