how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
