Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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