You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I look better un-naked...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
