We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
