I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
