Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
