The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
