please come you make the beer taste better
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
