On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
