some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
