were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
