i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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