Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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