I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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