a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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