This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
