PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
