well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
