I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
