Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
someone threw a dead crab at me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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