just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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